In Which Thea Memes

Looks like I've been tagged for a meme. Well, that makes it sound far more serendipitous than it really was.

Mike Duran, a writer who I greatly respect, and whose blog I read regularly, got tagged with this meme. I loved the idea behind it and really wanted to be tagged by someone at some point.

A few days later, D Jordan Redhawk, a friend from an online writing community called Forward Motion, said on Facebook that she'd been tagged for this meme and asked if anyone wanted to be tagged by her (thank you very much for doing that! :D). I said yes.

Which is a very short story to say that, once you know what you want, and if you pay attention, you have the ability to take advantage of the opportunities that come your way. :)

I take it back: The whole thing really was wonderfully serendipitous, which is pretty cool.

I Never, Ever Thought I'd Do This... part 2

Part 1 is here.

If a majority can exert influence simply by sheer number, then what is it about minority groups that allows them to influence others? What is their power? According to Moscovici, the power of a minority lies in its consistency (Moscovici, Lage, & Naffrechoux, 1969). In a variant of the study mentioned earlier, the confederates were instructed to sometimes say the slide was green, and other times say that it was green. As a result of this inconsistency on the part of the minority, less participants ended up agreeing with the minority than those in the original study. From this, Moscovici concluded that the power of a minority lies in its consistency.

I Never, Ever Thought I'd Do This... part 1

As you all know, I've been working like crazy on this term paper thing. The assignment was to write a section of a chapter for a hypothetical textbook on the subject of social influence (seeing as the class is called Social Influence, this assignment was extremely on topic and reasonable. I just hated the class, which is why writing this darn thing was such a big deal for me). 

Now, as much as I loathed a great deal of things about this paper, I actually ended up having a lot of fun writing it. Not only that, but I realized partway through that the subject matter I was covering would be interesting and informative to you guys (unless you've gone through a psych degree... in which case I'd say just to look at the pictures). And, lo and behold, I found myself submitting this assignment with excitement because I had decided about a thousand words prior that I'd post this paper on here.

My prof may hate it, and I might even get a failing mark on it. I don't care. You may hate it (somehow, I doubt that), and I really don't care about that, either. It has an xkcd comic in it. Nothing can ruin my mood.

Without further ado, my section of a chapter for a hypothetical textbook (part 1):

I just finished a term paper

Like, ten minutes ago.

And I've been working on it this whole past week.

Needless to say, there isn't going to be any post today, but there will be one tomorrow. Here's a sneak peek of what I'm thinking of doing:

Why Make a Book Series Like a TV Show?

Due to an unfortunate spasm of boredom that severely sprained the dignity of several cortices of my brain yesterday, I won't be continuing the series about Adam and Eve. To be entirely honest, I'm not sure why I started it. Ah well. My apologies.

Different Dialects

When a director makes a movie based off of a book, there are always changes made to the story. This is because of one or more of several reasons:

1) Movies and books are fundamentally different formats, and so have to be done in different ways.
2) Two hours isn't enough time to do everything in the book.
3) Whoever was in charge of the movie clearly only read a description of the book and then used the other reasons as excuses for their shoddy work (I'm looking at YOU, makers of Ella Enchanted. *glares*).

No Posts Until December 5th- Fun Stuff in the Mean Time

It's that time of year again. No, not Thanksgiving (I'm Canadian, we already had ours :P :) ). Finals. More accurately, the time before finals when everything is due and I realize that I've been behind on my readings. Again.

There are other things along with that, like the fact that I have an oral exam I need to practise for and a room that is in desperate need of being cleaned, all resulting in a severe lack of time and energy in all areas, which causes my work to be of poorer quality. I don't want to be posting things that are crappy. Therefore, I'm going to wait until things die down before I start back up again.

But, since I won't be posting for two weeks, and I didn't want to leave it at that, I thought I'd give you some interesting material from around the web which you can enjoy at your leisure:

Adam and Eve vs. Science: Setting the Stage

Edited later to add this notice: I'm not going to be continuing with this series. For some reason, my interest in it died a horrible and entirely inexplicable death. It might revive sometime in the future, but it's definitely dead right now. And that is that.


If you've been reading this blog for a while, you'll know that I love genetics. You'll also know that I'm a Christian, and that I like to talk about the hard stuff to do with Christianity.

So, naturally, when I read a comment on Facebook where someone gave their reasons for calling the Bible a glorified science fiction book, I knew I had to tackle the subject. And, of course, I decided to pick the biggest, most important, and toughest of the topics listed:

How could the Bible possibly be right about Adam and Eve being the ancestors of all living?

How the Value of Art is Like the Meaning of Life

Dear five year old me,

I discovered the point of art! Remember when you were wondering why you even kept those stickers in your sticker book? Sure, they were pretty, and it was nice to open up the book and look at them, but they didn't do anything for you.

What would happen if you had all the stickers in the world that you loved and then there were no more to gain? You'd have walls and books and bedframes full of stickers, and you wouldn't be happy with them. Once you had them, all you could do with them was look at them sometimes, and what was the gain in looking? What did that do for anything? They couldn't do anything to add value to the world; they would just sit there and look back at you as if to ask:

Does Change Need to Be So Stressful?

I almost didn't write a post tonight, because I'm upset. And I would really love to blame everyone else but myself, but the truth is that I am responsible for my own life.

Before you get too worried, I'll be okay. I'm just not feeling great.

I've been trying to make changes in my life, most notably how I manage my time, and I've discovered that there are two ways of going about that:

Why Do You Want Wealth?

I've been doing a lot of learning about what it takes to make money and how to make it so that becoming successful won't destroy me (because it definitely can -if my character is lacking in the little things, that will only become worse as those same things increase), and one piece of advice I came across was rather awesome and I wanted to share it with you:

Find out why you want to have wealth, write it down, so that you can refer back to it from time to time and use it to keep yourself on track. (paraphrased from Dr. James B. Richards)

Something about that set off fireworks in my brain, so I started writing it out, even the silly-sounding bits, and I decided afterwards that I wanted to share it with you.

Why Do I Want Wealth?

How to Act Wisely Concerning Politics

Ok. First. I have a very hands-off approach to politics. I don't like talking about them, I don't like thinking about them, and I am so very willing to just leave everything to do with politics, arguing, and ridicule up to everyone else, all these people who seem to care so much.

Which doesn't mean that I don't care.

One Night, I Dreamed I Was a Beast

Fear: An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. (definition from Google)

This post is brought to you by the theme song 
for book 4 of my fantasy series.

One night, I dreamed I was a beast.

This Is Something Interesting to Read

Since there has been so much amazingness happening this week, I realized that I couldn't do my usual and talk about just one thing. As a result, I present to you five cool things to fill your day with awesome. Five! :D

I was going to call this "Internet Grab Bag", but that wasn't working for me, so I asked my sister for help. The exchange went like this:

Me: What's a good title for this? You know, something that says 'this is something interesting to read'.

Her: If you call it 'This Is Something Interesting to Read', I will love you forever.

What can I say? I'm a sucker for love.

A Letter to Myself at Fifteen

(for maximum reading experience, start this song and then 

continue down)

I Am So Sorry About Me

Dear You,

I've spent so much of this blog talking to me.

Now, don't get me wrong, I think me is great, but me isn't the only thing in the universe.

And I really need to stop talking just to me so much.

When I first created this blog, I did it because I wanted to have my own place on the internet to talk about what I wanted to talk about. Now, that's great and all, and it really is important for me to write what I want to write (rather than what I think you want me to write), but that by itself is empty, meaningless.

"If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate." 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 (Message)

Out Now: Dreaming of Her and Other Stories! :D

Does God Choose Who Goes to Hell?: Heaven and Hell, part 3

About a month ago, when I posted about why I don't consider Christianity a religion, @theliz13 tweeted to me and mentioned her problem with religion. I found what she said so interesting that I decided to write this three-part series in order to address her comments. This is the third part of the result. Here are part one and part two.

"A farmer went out to plant some seeds. As he scattered them across his field, some seeds fell on a footpath, and the birds came and ate them. Other seeds fell on shallow soil with underlying rock. The seeds sprouted quickly because the soil was shallow. But the plants soon wilted under the hot sun, and since they didn’t have deep roots, they died. Other seeds fell among thorns that grew up and choked out the tender plants. Still other seeds fell on fertile soil, and they produced a crop that was thirty, sixty, and even a hundred times as much as had been planted!" Matthew 13:3b-8 (NLT)

The Lie

There is a supposedly "Christian" message that is perpetrated in many churches, and that is the idea that people get to heaven or go to hell based on the amount of good or bad things that they do.

THAT IS A LIE.

Is God *Really* in Control of Everything?: Heaven and Hell, part 2

About a month ago, when I posted about why I don't consider Christianity a religion, @theliz13 tweeted to me and mentioned her problem with religion. I found what she said so interesting that I decided to write this three-part series in order to address her comments. This is the second part of the result. Here's part one.

The third tweet from @theliz13 in our conversation, and the one 
that caught my attention the most (the whole conversation 
is posted in the first part of this series).

The traditional interpretation of sovereignty

There's this funny word that Christians like to use in reference to God's power and will, and it is sovereignty.

(It's part of the vocabulary of what I refer to as "Christianese", which is made up of words from the King James translation of the Bible that most people who aren't Christians don't know the meaning of, and that Christians use all the time when talking about anything to do with Christianity. Much of the time, Christians don't really know what those words mean, either, but we know how to use them.)

What's up With This Whole "Chosen People" Thing?: Heaven and Hell, part 1

About a month ago, when I posted about why I don't consider Christianity a religion, @theliz13 tweeted to me and mentioned her problem with religion. I found what she said so interesting that I decided to write this three-part series in order to address her comments. This is (part one of) the result. The foundation of Christianity, which underlies all this, can be found here.

First of all, I want to say how much I love how this post series came about. Being able to interact with people on the topics that I'm passionate about and being able to answer their questions about those topics (if I can) is awesome. You are wonderful, you have so much to offer, and it is a privilege to be able to converse with you.

Now, to what sparked this. I posted about my definition of religion, my issues with religion, and why I don't consider Christianity a religion, and this happened:

What she had to say echoed what I've heard from so many people, both Christians and not, so closely that I knew it was time to talk about one of the most difficult issues people have with Christianity.

Here is my understanding of what she was saying (@theliz13, please correct me if I'm wrong, so that I can address what you're really saying, because me addressing anything other than that would be lame):

If Rumpelstiltskin Were 100 Times More Snarky

Or: I Totally Forgot How Random the Ending Is

(Announcements: I wanted to let you know that there won't be a post next week -August 15- because I'm taking a week off from the computer in order to go to camp. Yay for camp! Now, the show is about to begin. Please turn off all cellphones and other distracting devices, and put away your cameras, as photography is strictly prohibited. Thank you, and enjoy the show. :) )

Act 1: The Miller Meets the King

Scene i: The Miller is Also an Idiot

The Story Behind Christianity

I tried to write this as if it was only one possible way that the world works, as if I were simply reporting the claims of the Bible, out of respect for those that don't believe the same things I do. Unfortunately, writing that way impedes my words and ruins my voice. Because of this, I am writing this post like a story, in order to say what I believe without requiring you to agree with me. 

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."

Aristotle

In the Beginning

Before anything else existed, there was God. One God and yet three persons: Father, Son, and Spirit. He was complete, lacking in nothing, and yet, because it is the nature of love to give love, he desired a family. From the moment he imagined them, seeing their lives laid out before him before they even existed, he loved them unreservedly, passionately, and with the whole of his heart. 

Then he spoke what already existed in his heart, and so created the universe.

He created humankind to be like him, placed them in Paradise, where their every need was met with abundance, where they and he were never separated, and he gave the universe to their care.

Why I'm Not Religious

To my Christian readers: this post is meant to be an introduction to a topic, not a perfect explanation of the theology involved in the many concepts presented here. A theological debate may be appropriate for later posts, but it is not for this one. Thank you for your understanding.

To my other readers: if anything at all in here confuses you, please ask me for clarification. I want to be able to talk about these kinds of things in such a way that they can be understood no matter the background of the person reading it.

If you read those two notes, or my post from two weeks ago, you're probably scratching your head right now at the title of this one.

Yes, I am a Christian.

No, I am not religious.

(And, yes, I really love messing with people's minds.)

Making Abstract Philosophy Practical

As you may know, I'm working on revising an anthology.

As you may not know, I originally wrote some of these pieces eight years ago (aka, when I was just barely a teenager). I'm discovering that I've changed a lot since I wrote them, and it's weird to find another person speaking through my words.

Which means I have a problem. Well, more like a choice:

In my first year of university, I took a philosophy class called "Knowledge and Reality" which is a shorter way of saying:

The Scariest Thing on the Internet

"The single story creates stereotypes, and the problem with stereotypes is not that they are untrue, but that they are incomplete. They make one story become the only story." Chimimanda Adichie

I'm scared out of my mind to say that I'm a Christian, or to talk about Christianity.

In one of my earlier blog posts, tried to talk about this, but I skated around the issue and explained everything very poorly. I didn't say what I was thinking because I was scared.

Mostly everywhere I go on the media and everyone I hear from that's not Christian has Christians as the enemy. As bigoted, controlling, hypocritical, stupid, foolish, backwards, crazy, hateful, pushy, uncaring, oblivious to the real world, ignorant… look at Sheldon's mom in The Big Bang Theory for the harmless version of the stereotype and US politics for the more destructive.

When I read or listen to conversations on the subject of feminism, slavery, the LGBTQ community, or various other topics, Christianity is portrayed as the oppressor, the killer of freedom, and the instigator of harm and fear. Christians are the scum of the earth, the cause of slavery, racism, and sexism; they are the close-minded and small-minded, holier-than-thou and bible thumpers. They are the WASPs and all the negativity that comes with them.

Even if the wording isn't as strong as that, repetition has this funny way of making even the weakest words take on greater meaning and significance.

My Adventures with Camp NaNoWriMo 2012

Gotta say, winning feels good :)

Last month marked my second time participating in Camp NaNoWriMo, otherwise known as the summer version of that thing where people try to write 50,000 words of a novel in one month.

(Writers in general are slightly bonkers, but even we admit that coming up with this takes a special kind of crazy).

My friend says that it takes about a week until a person's brain can disengage from their NaNo story and start thinking about normal(ish) things. I agree. My novel basically took over my brain while I was writing it and the unfolding plot was the primary cause of all but one of the emotional upsets I had the whole month.

Unobservant, or "Differently Focused"?

Several years ago, my siblings and mom ganged up on my dad and me for April Fool's Day by setting all the clocks in our house an hour ahead.

They pulled it off brilliantly, even changing the alarm clocks in our rooms without our noticing. The only things they couldn't change were the phone and the stereo in my room and so they thought we'd figure it out in a couple of hours.

We went the entire day.

We probably could have gone an entire week if they hadn't told us at supper (they had to because I needed to get somewhere on time that evening -aren't they nice?).

It's probably one of the best pranks that's ever been pulled on me, and it always makes me laugh to think of it. I or one of my siblings would always tell this story to prove just how unobservant I am.

For example, whenever my mom rearranges the furniture in a room, she will take me into the room and ask me if I can tell what's different. Fifty percent of the time, my sister will walk in five minutes later (while I'm still trying very hard to figure it out) and say:

Coming Soon: "Dreaming of Her and Other Stories"

By the end of this summer, I plan to release my first-ever anthology called Dreaming of Her and Other Stories. If you've been reading this blog for a while, and you remember my announcement about the anthology called Expected Aberrations, well, this is that. Just all grown up and way cooler. :)

Everything has been written; all I have to do is revise, make a cover, put everything together and put it up on Amazon and Barnes & Noble (and possibly other places that I haven't looked into quite yet).

Concept art for the cover

Since every good 'coming soon' announcement includes some hype, here's some hype:

How to Make Breakfast Like a Pro

(vaguely inspired by My Drunk Kitchen)

Step 1: Enter the kitchen at 2:30pm, because you've spent the past four hours in your room and only realized fifteen minutes ago that you had low blood sugar.

Step 2: While staring into the fridge and getting distracted by so many options, decide to keep a running commentary in your head so that you can stay focused in spite of food brain.

Step 1: Pretend the first two steps weren't actually steps and pull out a banana. Leave it on the kitchen table.

How to Get Fit Without Exercising

I hate exercising.

Seriously, I find treadmills and exercise bikes boring, weight lifting utterly pointless, and jogging? Ugh. About as exciting as drilling holes into my own skull*.

That can't be comfortable.

There's a huge worry in our society about the costs of inactivity, ranging from the fact that sitting on the couch all day watching TV is socially frowned upon to the fact that a sedentary lifestyle can lead to premature death. Studies keep coming out saying that being active is one of the best things you can possibly do for your body**.

Sometimes, I Just Need to Kick Myself in the Butt

When I started this blog, I had a vague idea of blogging every two weeks.

Then I missed my deadline for one post in my second month and decided I'd alternate between two posts and one post every month. 

This worked for three more months, until life happened and I felt like crap about myself for two whole months, resulting in no posts.

"It's okay," I said to myself in August. "I'll just pretend that that was my summer break and keep up with the pattern like nothing happened. Of course, then came October, and I got inspired by something on Twitter, resulting in two posts instead of one, like the pattern had demanded.

At which point, I tried to return to the pattern, but then came January and I ended up with four posts (I think it was the air).

In February, I crashed and just put up one post.

Did Thea Write Another Guest Post?!?

I'm positing the existence of creatures that come from paradise today. You can read my ramblings at the blog of Liana Brooks, sock enthusiast and author of Even Villains Fall in Love.

Enjoy! And be sure to check out her (in)famous flowchart while you're there. I would say more, but it's really much more entertaining if I don't. :)

Just Like Pimples

When I was about seven, I discovered the joy of raking a stick over an ant hill for no other reason than to watch all the ants flip out.

It's probably the most effective form of pest control I've ever employed, because my siblings and I managed to cause either the eradication or relocation (they were gone, at any rate) of two whole anthills in our front yard before we got tired of freaking them out practically every single day (Me: 2, Ants: 0).

"Oh, poor ants!" you might say, envisioning the situation from their eyes, watching every day as sadistic giants scrape away your roof, your friends, your pet aphid.

All I have to say is that my mom seemed quite happy when we pointed out the empty anthills to her, demonstrating their barrenness by raking them vigorously to no effect. In my opinion, I done good.

You know how playgrounds are supposed to be immensely entertaining to children of all ages? They're really not.

If I'm a Christian, then Why Do I Have Issues with Death?

About three weeks ago, I put up a post about my great-grandfather's death and the voices that get in the way of doing things that are important to me (here it is, in case you haven't read it), and I received a comment on Facebook about it, which contained a couple really interesting questions. Le comment:

"I thought most or all religious people were OK with death and understood it as a way in to heaven?? I myself am scared of death. And you commented about Adam and Eve messing it all up but what about God sacrificing his own son on the cross causing death??" - Carly


Before I get into my answer, I wanted to write what I understand is being asked. Carl Rogers bases his therapy off of mirroring back to his patient what he understands them to be saying, which requires that he listen really well, and also then shows that he's listening really well. Also, if I end up making a mistake in my interpretation, then it'll be much easier for everyone to point it out, and for me to correct my mistake.

Besides that, my mother tells me that this is good idea when discussing things, and what mom says, goes. :)

Here's what I understand of the logic behind these questions (forgive the simplicity, I'll do the same thing kind of thing with my answer later):

Announcing: Apreggios for Writers

Sometime around last Christmas I discovered a really fantastic blog by this badass named Justine Musk. Perhaps you've heard of her.

I absolutely loved what she had to say in her posts and more or less devoured everything I could in three hours (and I read fast, so that was about 90% of her posts). While in the midst of this veritable feast for my mind and imagination, I came across one of her posts on deliberate practise, which linked to a post on Study Hacks on the same subject, and I was like: "Hey! This deliberate practise thing sounds exactly like what I've been needing to give me a boost in my writing skills" -not that I think that I'm a terrible writer or anything, I just love it when I find a practical way to get even better at something that I adore doing.

I got to thinking about this idea, and it really excited me. So, I started a little blog where I'd introduce and exercise, and then I'd do it on a regular basis until I've learned what I can from that exercise for that time, at which point I'd start a new exercise. Since it was really just for me, I didn't tell anyone on the internet about it, and only told some of my friends and family, people who might be interested in writing-related activities.

The Worst Part of Death

I remember the day my great-grandfather died. It’s not like it was unexpected, after all, the man was 101, but it was because he was 101 that I had thought he wasn’t going to die. He was the oldest person I knew, and I thought that he would beat the Guinness world record and die at about 130. Sometime nice and far away. It made sense; when he turned 100, my mom sent him a birthday card and he wrote her back a letter. He called his walker his Corvette, and the only reason he didn’t have his drivers license was because they had made him give it up when he was in his nineties (“I’ve had it for this long; I’m going to keep it!”).

On his last day, my grandparents -my mom’s parents- went to visit him around 5 in the evening. He was very weak and tired, but his mind was as sharp as ever, and they all enjoyed themselves. After they left, the sun was setting, and he asked the nurse to help him sit in a chair facing the window so that he could watch it. When she came back a few minutes later, he was gone.

When I went to the viewing, I couldn’t go pay my respects. I couldn’t bear to see his body, life gone out of it and sagging with the victorious pull of gravity and time. It would have made me vomit, or want to. My parents gave me odd looks when I said I wouldn’t go up, but they didn’t understand and I didn’t tell them. I didn’t want to weep, there in full view and hearing of all these relatives who I didn’t know and who weren’t making much noise themselves.

On his hundredth birthday, all his descendants except for a handful came to celebrate with him. We filled a hall, hundreds of us wanting to wish our father, grandfather, great-grandfather and great-great grandfather a happy birthday. Someone had made a video recounting his life, and we watched it and my respect for him grew and grew and grew. He grew up in modern-day Ukraine and, when the communists took over, he was married and his wife was pregnant with their first child. One Sunday, not long after the Bolshevik revolution, he felt very strongly that he had to leave the country that day. He told his family, but they told him that he shouldn’t. It was the Lord’s day; he should rest. He would be able to leave the next day. If he had listened to them, I wouldn’t have been born because the next day the borders closed, no-one in or out, and only he and his pregnant wife, of all his and her family, managed to escape. My great-grandfather was a legend, and legends don’t die. But he did.

And Now For Something Completely Different

I'm considering introducing myself to new people as 

"Thea, fan of Firefly" for this very reason.

I'm ridiculously interested in a lot of things that make about as much sense together as putting wings on a rock and throwing it off a cliff so that it can fly, except my interests don't generally result in broken windows. With that in mind, I was thinking the other day about everything I've written on here and I decided I would write about something really random that I happen to really enjoy. It comes with just about one of the geekiest confessions I'll ever make (unless someone can find a really fun excuse to use trigonometry, because I have this odd fascination with calculating things that have to do with triangles), and those of you who have not yet met me in real life have never yet heard me talking about this. Wanna try and guess what it is?

Go on.

I've got time.

...

...

...

Okay, I'll tell you. :)

In Which Thea Rips up a Quiz for the Greater Good

Hello, everyone! Here are the draw results, with a dash of randomness thrown in. :)



Lewinna, if you're seeing this before you get on Twitter, I've DM'd you the pertinent information about your new ebook. If you're seeing this after you've gotten on Twitter, well... this is awkward.

Author Interview: Emily Casey

Ladies and Gentlemen, it's time for:

12 Questions with Thea! (Because 20 questions is just too mainstream)

Our victim interviewee: Emily Casey

Why: Not only is she so awesome that she shares a birthday with Madeleine L'Engle, but her first book is out, and it's fabulous!

Book blurb: "Ivy has always been afraid of mirrors, but she never knew why. Then one of them sucks her into the fairy tale Beauty and the Beast." -from Emily's website.

(This interview is a part of Emily's blog tour. The next stop is tomorrow at: Robert Marion's blog, and it's an interview with Ivy! :D)


1) What gave you the idea for this series? (It's got a really cool premise, btw)

Becoming Who I Already Am

I found some old sketchbooks of mine that I filled up years ago, and decided I'd go through them from the very beginning and see how my drawings have changed. It felt very nostalgic, remembering drawing all those pictures. Then, as I came to the end, I realized something interesting about my writing, including this blog. In order to explain this better, I'm going to talk about horses.

First, the best picture of a horse I've drawn to date (please ignore how dark the signature is; I'll make it better when my computer is more cooperative):

Guest Post is Live!

For those that haven't yet checked it out, my guest post on Sue Santore's blog is online! And it's about monsters. :)

Read it here!

I Have a Confession to Make...

I'm sorry to say that I haven't been taking blogging as seriously as I should have. When I started, I thought that the only things that were really necessary were writing as regularly as possible, making the blog look pretty, and writing about things that I thought were cool. While all these are wonderful things that really do help make a blog work, there was just one thing that I was missing:

Purpose.

To be completely honest, I've felt claustrophobic every time I entertained the notion of deciding what this blog was actually about. It frightened me, because I thought that, if I decided on something, I make things too narrow, and I would cut out most of the things that I'm passionate about and that I could talk about for hours on end simply because I think they're just so darn fantastic. All my interests felt mutually exclusive, like choosing one would be denying everything else, and that terrifies the heck out of me.

Let me tell you something I've never told anyone else. Being told I must decide what to do with my life gives me so much fear that I want to high-tail it to the farthest of far corners of the earth, so that the person who mentioned it can never, ever find me. Laugh if you want, but picking a career is the stuff of nightmares. I'm afraid of just thinking about it.

Right now, my entire body is shaking, my heart is trying to beat its way out of my chest, and my fight-or-flight response has kicked into high gear. You could tell me I'm going to die tomorrow, and I wouldn't be as utterly frightened as I am right now.