Remember when I talked about everything going wrong before Ex-Villain left? It was like the stars were out of alignment or something. You know how, in quite a few fantasy stories, Macbeth included, when the wrong king is on the throne, nature seems to unravel? Well. Allow me to remind you of the enormity of the situation:
“Mystery Character started doing nastiness never intended in Author’s conception of the story. Villain’s father came disturbingly close to being raised from the dead. Masses of people began keeling over for no apparent reason. Magical storms inexplicably gained status as near-sentient beings. As things kept progressing, it felt like a balloon of wackiness was rapidly expanding from the climax of the story.”
(You see what I did there? Flashback to another post? With the quotations and the copy-pasting and the... okay, stopping now.)
When Ex-Villain left the story, along with the rest of the results of his fantastic organizational skills, all of these things returned to normal. Almost all of them. For some incomprehensible reason, people continued to drop like flies. At first, it seemed reasonable, so I let it go. They were exhausted and overworked. They had just come back from a gruelling experience. They had poor immune systems. A really bad headache.
Then about ten of them fell over simultaneously, and I knew this had to stop. I immediately turned around (figuratively speaking, of course) and faced the story, only to be met by the most adorable Bambi eyes I have ever not seen in my life. The conversation went as follows:
Story (still making the Bambi eyes): “Can I keep it?”
Author: “Erm. Well. Um.”
Story: “I promise I’ll feed it and everything!”
Author: “You... you... I didn’t plan this!”
Story: “I know, but it’s just so cute and cuddly...”
Author: “People are coming very near getting concussions! What’s so cute and cuddly about that?”
Story: “Look at it!” *holds up fluffy little subplot. It whines endearingly and tries to lick Author’s face*
Author: (tries to resist the fluffiness and spectacularly fails) “You’ll take it out for walks?”
Story: “Yes.”
Author: “You’ll give it baths?”
Story: “Yes.”
Author: “You’ll -wait a second! It doesn’t even make sense! What on earth am I supposed to do with it?”
Story: [censored for spoilers]
Author: (grins widely) “You can keep it.”
Here endeth Drama, Drama Everywhere! Part the Final.
(this was first published at theasworld.doxa-canada.com/Blog)
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